Hopefully this makes a lot of us reflect on what is really important. BTW I want to add that tomorrow January 1 is the first day of the year I turn 55. What does my romantic life have to do with your financial life? I read through MMM's blog 5-6 years ago. I survived and later thrived out of divorce (it was a process, 10 years). It can be tough. And we do. And no, there were no frugality issues because earning and accumulating money was always extremely easy for us. If this is the only alternative. Take a look in the mirra, ya dirty rat bastids! Because sometimes life just serves up a shit salad and we dont have a choice in the matter, but wealwayshave a choice of how to respond to it. Ok uh forgot. You may have to pay only the most essential bills that keep you and your kids housed, warm and fed. In these moments I need to constantly reminder myself how good I actually have it- how lucky and blessed am I?! Same here. Rural Retreat times. October 7, 2019, 5:38 pm. If you have any land trusts in your area, they are usually looking for volunteers. With all of this happening, its a wonder that we can remain happy and productive and even thrive as humans. It can be done. December 31, 2018, 8:02 pm, Sorry to read about your Divorce and hats off to you for staying close and dealing with it amicably. 2. On top of all that Im not allowed to leave the US (kids were born here), where I had never worked before and without any family. Marriage is hard, especially when you have kids. You two show so much maturity in handling this, I can only hope I grow up to be someone like that. I also mention Facebook because some of my more active meetup groups are also there. Given how long things had been sliding in my marriage it surprised me that in a very short period of time (no affairs) it was like a switch was flipped and I knew there was nothing left in me that wanted the relationship to continue. Planning to visit Longmont someday and get to say thank you in person. I spent quite a while going back and forth over my own divorce after 24 years of marriage that could been better spent elsewhere. MMM hats off to you for taking the high road and Im sorry for what you and your ex-wife are going through, and that you have to do it as public figures. Mr. Money Mustache Divorce Announcement At the end of 2018, Mr. Money Mustache published an article that blew my mind. Definitely one of the classics. Having experienced it myself and reading ad nauseum on the topic, youre right on about the initiator having the advantage of planning their exit far in advance of the one on the receiving end. Very brave to share that news. Link to Mr. Money Mustache article- https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2014/07/17/is-mr-money-mustache-ruining-your-marriage/One may wonder why I chose to read . He pulled this off by living on a small percentage of his income as a software engineer, and diligently . I would still be living the most anti-mustachian life possible, full of drunkeness, cigarettes, and loads of credit card debit (and of course no salads, barbells, or bicycles the MMM TRIFECTA). We can choose to focus on how unfair the situation is, how we were right and we tried our best and the world still mistreated us. Im sorry youre having to go through this. Jeremiah I will look into the Love Languages book, thanks for the recommendation. Im just not sure I think your numbers tell the whole story. We spent whatever we wanted, we just happened to have finite desires. Im 100% certain that I would not be a Mustachian or on the path to FI if I hadnt taken the actions I did when I did. Try breaking your usual morning routine by going out for a short walk . I would even contact their governing body if they really do exaggerate or sensationalize the details of your life event. December 31, 2018, 6:06 pm. January 2, 2019, 7:22 pm. The noted penny-pinching guru dubbed Mr. Money Mustache announced on New Year's Eve that he and his wife have divorced, writing in a blog post that they only spent $265 on the entire process. Robinson Sure, you want to see some earnings. The number 1 reason FIRE made so much sense to us was our desire to spend so much time together. Im glad to hear it is going well for you now, MMM, and I am glad youre staying positive. Our financial planner had me working until age 68 (2022) I ran the numbers again with the tools and common sense you provided. Because many bits of damage you do to a relationship arepermanent. A number of my friends have taken that angle, Stan, though not through crunching the numbers as you have. It is quite hard to stay positive and optimistic when your ex is abusing (verbally/mentally/physically, whatever), but it really is the best thing you can do. No. So your best strategy is to carve them out of your life, while keeping your words as kind and respectful as you possibly can. As one friend puts it, Being a divorced coparent is like being the co-owner of a business. Speaking as a 21-year divorcee, life gets better and better as time goes on. Nice info !!! Best of luck but you dont need it; you got this. He was declared innocent by a unanimous / universal . Addendum #3: removed. Life is short. We share plenty of time with our son and he is doing amazingly well because we are choosing to make this new life about growth rather than conflict. Hey Alana, The process was handled as if it were a way to punish someone (me). Wishing you and your family a happy, healthy and peaceful new year. Happy and healthy new year to you and your family! My guess it was too personal to share. income, or you dont have enough money saved (jointly or separately) that you could remain FIRE solo if needed due to divorce, disablilty, lay off or . Mr. MM, While my only experience in relationships was a year long, long distance relationship, when it ended, it was really horrible. There are some less expensive groups than the spendy happy hour ones. Im sorry to hear about your split. Their story was allegedly captured in a book and movie, both named The Shadowlands. Its a beautiful story and one of my favorite movies. ; as my one and only quarter-of-a-century marriage had ended earlier in the year. Mr. Been There Its definitely hard sometimes, but nurturing a relationship is important. So the bad news is that there is definitely such thing as too late. At some point, the idea of working on a marriage sounds like hell because you have been waiting for so long to be able to escape it. And burn yearson reliving the past, with a mixture of regret and vengeful self-righteousness and self-pity. I think they help a ton of people. January 1, 2019, 3:35 pm. So not much awkwardness. TheAngelsReply December 31, 2018, 5:39 pm, Wow sorry to hear about this. 3) Do you think marriage as an institution is still valid in this 21st-century society? December 31, 2018, 6:33 pm. Too many couples marry on passion and spur of the moment decisions. It was still extremely painful but she definitely played it to her advantage. Ive always thought marriage was a risky endeavor and to be taken with extreme patience. And Id rather call it a good game a little early, rather than being a burden on someone else to take care of me. The touch of a cluster of leaves revolved it slowly, tracing, like the leg of compass, a thin red circle in the water. Ive met a lot of people through meetups. I have spent eight years recovering financially from a messy separation. Alana, your state may have a Master Naturalist program, which is a fabulous way to meet environmentally-minded folks. Thank you MMM for this very important post. Focusing on the silver linings in life is something that I need to improve at, and this example can serve me well as a model. After all, the information you kindly share is a gift to be thankful for. This was so sad to read, but thanks for your honesty and openness MMM. This is because conflict is a form of war, and war is the most expensive thing humans have ever invented. You may want to post a case study on the forum with all the numbers and this community will rally around to give you their specific thoughts. The only ways I can accomplish this is to either borrow the $100k (through HELOC) or sell the house and split the proceeds and move to a new home. I loved reading this post. Seriously though I hope they get through this ok. In reality life (and marriage) is a complex and changing process which includes kids as well as getting old and weaker. Emotions get heavy in these situations. I call my ex-spouse the Best ExHusband Ever and we are good friends, still have fun together, sharing holidays and family events, and take great care of our son. People who dont even know you, will speculate on your character and your motives. Hooray for grownup single life! Mr. Money Mustache is the website and pseudonym of 48-year-old [2] Canadian-born blogger Peter Adeney. Focus on what keeps you happy. Sammykins I have no insights into divorce or coparenting but I just wanted to say Im sorry to hear about your divorce but glad you both are working through it so amically. December 31, 2018, 6:36 pm. In my experience, of folks in my extended family, the hurt and anger turns the kid into a pawn to hurt the other parent. It is legendary for destroying lives and fortunes, and indeed this is sometimes accurate. Lewis wrote A Grief Observed after the death of his wife. I hope others read your blog and are encouraged towards finding their own amicable ending to relationships if needed. Maybe she got tired of Mustachianism. You need your objective reminders to stay sane. Reasonableness is required on both sides. If you have any additional tips for me I would be most grateful. I wish my parents had divorced 15 yrs before they actually did everyone, especially them, would have been much happier. Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Your story made me think about my situation and motivated me to let my spouse how much I appreciate what she does every day. While I cant recommend any particular book, if youre looking for a great place to discuss this with other FIRE-minded women, check out http://www.reddit.com/r/FIREyFemmes. Your story has only motivated me to pay more attention to the little things with my wife. As parents of a 6, 4, and 2 year old sometimes life is incredibly hard where all were doing is surviving- but in the (many) moments of fun and smiles, its good to go a little deeper than just enjoying whats on the surface and realize the deep joy and bliss. But this is usually a personal finance blog. MM has always been an independent-minded person who is good with money and decides on her own spending. Like Mike said above, all the coulda, shoulda, woulda talk and thoughts will do little more than continue to rehash what has already happened and, unfortunately, will no effect on the past, but it will most certainly delay you from moving forward. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Take a look around. They are who they are and while you cant change them, you cant make the world any better by spitting venom back at them., This quote really articulated how I have been feeling of late and obviously applies to humanity as a whole. I hope I never go through a divorce. Sorry to hear that. Hope to read more posts like this in the future! I think they will! I can totally understand what you went through. And read the other comments, to see what other people around you are feeling. When I heard the news, I thought to myself, "how could this happen?" How could a couple split up when on paper, everything seemed so perfect? Sorry to hear and youve definitely provided some good advice. Lewis was married to Joy Davidman. Its a fun world. A positive trade as I adore my nephew and nieces. Re: Financial Volunteering (to stay busy/if lonely/need to give back/healing). A single extra 5 minute Uber ride per hour will net me approximately $3 which is a much high return than hyper milling can give. MMMlifestyle Like most financial advisors, Mr. Money Mustache encourages investors to grow their wealth with total market or S&P 500 passive index funds. Update:Some of the negative speculators have assumed your wife dumped you because you were too frugal. This part may be necessary to address because of the money theme of this blog. Alas sometimes parting ways is the best choice. Addendum #2: Podcast Why your house is a terrible investment with Radical Personal Finance Video Why your house is a terrible investment with Mike & Lauren YouTube. Point is many of the years were happy so 96% of my sisters married life was good. Weve never met but you mean a lot to me as someone who has changed my life for the better, and I feel as though Im writing to an important friend or family member. Sorry to hear! Ill leave you with one of my favorite jokes: Kids will have plenty of trouble on their long road to adulthood if they even make it. SwordGuy Outside of work I spend about 4 hours a week without her. Also, a contentious divorce could deplete your savings significantly. To keep things non-promotional, please use a real name or nickname(not Blogger @ My Blog Name). She wanted to spare us until she had everything in place. Wow, when I read the headline I was really hoping that the topic of divorce wasnt personal for you. The Money Mustache Community . Please dont be like them using the Internet to publicly gossip about strangers helps nobody. December 31, 2018, 7:44 pm. MMM, good for you re civil divorce. Addendum #4: Renters for Life If my post above rubbed your fur the wrong way, this . But it gets really dark during a war like divorce, (and anyone that says, it takes two, would you say that in the event of a Grizzly Bear attack?!). In the end Ive come to appreciate how youve handled being a father, husband and now partner in raising your son. Sounds like you all done good. Happy New Year to you! Keep up the good work sir! Thank you! Very sorry to hear, but love your attitude about it. A friend That s right, my friend is a well connected Chengdu Tong.He also told me some other interesting things.What Wei Renwu spread his hands, pretending to be innocent and said Shouldn t you invite me in first to sit down and talk Shu Xin smiled and said, Mr.Wei is right, please come in.Shu . It doesnt cost much, gets you out into nature, and introduces you to others with similar interests. Glad to hear youre doing well and your son sounds like he is getting two parents who are going to be great at co-parenting. December 31, 2018, 5:49 pm. The decision was easy, but the process and action was insanely difficult. Anonymous Thank you for sharing such a personal and inspirational story. Glad you found it! Wow, my condolences. I know the hurt, especially at those times when you kiss your kids goodbye until your next assigned custody day(s) to spend with them, and how quiet the house can seem when its just you and your thoughts. Mr. Money Mustache retired in his early thirties and has recently emerged as one of the most inspiring personal finance authors in cyberspace. If one kid was acting sassy or sullen all of a sudden, I collaborated with my ex. I had no idea until I met up with Carl (Mr. 1500) at the MMM HQ last month and he mentioned it. 1) Find multiple healthy distractions. December 31, 2018, 5:44 pm. havingtolearnthehardway 2) Money and fame. Thanks for making all our lives better. I told her I admired how she kept her cool cus she told no one not even any family because she said she knew how angry we would be at him.
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