That doesnt mean one party jeopardizes their job and career to make ridiculous accommodations, of course. I was thinking as I read the description, this sounds like its coming from someone who has never been on a business trip before (and re: the kidnapping, someone whos watched too many movies). I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) You bet a quarter, watch and yell at the fake horses running around in a circle, bet another quarter, repeat. Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. A pregnant woman recently asked the internet for advice after her husband refused to attend any of their doctor appointments. OMG, but the burgers there are sooo good! Whether hes choosing them consciously or not, hes certainly trying to use them as a weapon to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants. Yup, agreed. It might not end up factoring into your decision when your career and marriage are in the firing line, but its probably useful information for you to have. If you dont trust me, and I have not given you reason not to, were done. A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. I go on business trips. You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. Find an new therapist to go alone so you can undo all the damage that marriage counseling with a controlling spouse has done. You get attention, you often get attempts at comfort, sometimes you get a hug; these are all rewarding. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. Bringing your spouse along on a work trip only works some of the time, and it definitely doesnt work if the spouse has already exhibited controlling behavior. A Group Leader is a What to Expect community member who has been selected by our staff to help maintain a positive, supportive tone within a group. This is also what I pictured especially if he freaks out like this regularly-ish (every time she has a trip its a big ongoing issue for a chunk of time), his friends might have just learned to ride out the rant with general affirmative noises. I have a friend who doesnt drink, gamble, or smoke and Vegas is one of her favorite vacation places. Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. They live there with partners and children, even! I lounge by the pool, eat really good food, order wines not available in my area. We can take care of ourselves. He was jealous and controlling before we got engaged. ), and Im excited to stay at Mandalay Bay because they have an aquarium. I noticed that as well. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Companies dont plan things in Vegas to put their employees at risk. Me: I dunno, man, that seems pretty significant to me. The best way to stay up-to-date would be to regularly check the Official Disney Parks Blog . You get into a state of physical arousal (sweating, shaking, racing heart, fast breathing, etc) and it often gives you a screaming headache, roiling tummy, and makes you irritable and prone to tears. I have to remind myself of that sometimes; I think you should remind yourself that too. There were also a TGI Fridays, a Hard Rock Cafe and a Coldstone Creamery. I mean sure its possible hes found someone that shares his view, but I think its mostly him just hearing what he wants to hear. This is about control. Has the OPs spouse ever even BEEN to Vegas? In cases with a controlling spouse, marriage counseling is not recommended. I suppose OP knows her own husband best, theres a chance inviting him along would be an offer of Good Faith to show that theres really nothing all that bad about Sin City. I dont gamble much. I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. OP, I saw one of your responses saying your husband is otherwise kind. Oh yeah, the concern for your safety. I didnt go on work trips while married to mine, but I remember going on a girls night out (bachelorette party, with a limo to take us places) and him being livid that I didnt call him during the evening to check in. But yes, OP, this does smell of jealousy. Immediate marriage counseling is required and if he wont go, see a counselor yourself. They were both married to other people, started an affair that weekend, and eventually left their spouses. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. We always have a good laugh when one of my husbands coworkers asks him, You actually let your wife go away without you? Dont get in a bike accident! his friends wouldnt let their wives go. OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. (Of course, I live in New Orleans, where we do not need to seek out extra liveliness.) Theres a limit to how much they can make if they limit themselves to those who want risqu and sleavy. Sounds great. He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. Im betting its either a case of asking leading questions, an over-reporting of the amount of agreement received, or hearing more agreement than was actually being expressed on the part of OPs husband. He doesnt have friends. You know, because theyd been there for the last year and had witnessed all of it and hadnt just heard his side of the story through his rose-tinted glasses. I dont know that I am articulating this as succinctly as I could be, but I hope you know where Im coming from. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. LW, my husband would be honestly fine with me going to Vegas. Counseling is legit, or ask him to come along. I agree with your husband .. And we always get gorgeous hotel rooms for ridiculously cheap. My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. When your income is needed, you can take fewer risks by opting out of stuff at work. What other people? Whether or not you go on the trip is secondary. My spouse (temporarily) lives in a different state than me and if I call them and they dont answer my mind immediately assumes that theyve been in a car accident. I certainly didnt forget that, in case anybodys wondering. But its also wildly irrelevant in terms of a OPs business trip. Youre obviously free to disagree, but I think its archaic and not okay. Since frankly the marriage is not healthy do not risk your career, which you need, for him. same. I think the phrasing is awkward, but its in there because he brought this up to his spouse to justify his position, so Im pretty sure he means they all agreed that theyd object to such a trip too. Either way, the poster is mimicking them in an exaggerated way in order to make them appear more foolish and unreasonable than they would if portrayed accurately. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. There was a recent one with the same problem! An ex of mine and I were trying to be friends; he told me about a date he went on and I gave him my opinion (that he treated this woman like crap) and he was basically all, Nuh-unh! My mom believes that her quiet suburban neighborhood and my own are overrun by prowling sex offenders when the sun goes down. Hed probably drive her nuts the entire trip monitoring when she comes and goes, trying to veto business dinners with her colleagues, calling her if shes a minute later than she said shed beAnd if youre working the conference, its exhausting and theres not really a lot of time to explore. The biggest crime Ive personally witnessed is the outrageous price of food. I dont let him go on trips because we dont manage each others lives like that, but I do support his career and any travel that entails even if its stressful for me. I'm kind of dreading it because my infant hates the car and my 2 year old is not the sitting type. It was very concerning. Hopefully, a good counselor will see what, if any, underlying issues may be playing into this mess and refer him in the right direction. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. Living with someone like this for the rest of your life sounds like a real misery. We all had a blast. Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. I'm scheduled for a c-section on September 21st and although it's not that far away, it's definitely not as close as I would like it to be. This is truly bizarre and worrying behavior on the husbands part. Learn more about, Twins & Multiples: Your Tentative Time Table. The most important part of travelling alone is that your lover is on the same page as you. My mouth just kept falling wider and wider open. Uncategorized ; June 21, 2022 husband doesn t want to go on family vacation . My grandmother pays for the trip. No constant phone calls/other distractions.) Ive traveled to all kinds of interesting destinations where Ive only seen the inside of the airport and conference rooms. Thanks! Be very very wary of ever harming your career or earning potential because of the desires of another person. In fact, couples counseling can be a useful path to helping a partner address individual issues that are affecting the partnership. Im not so sure its abuse, to be honest. One of the most important things I learned in therapy is that even though my feelings are real, they are not reasonable and not helpful, so its not appropriate to expect others to change their behavior to accommodate them. I also suffer from anxiety that could be debilitating, if I allowed it to be. Has it been made perfectly clear that this trip isnt a mini-vacay/reward on the companys dime, but is -in fact- a work trip where you will be doing work? The thing is he takes work trips more often than I do! He doesnt completely get it and I know hed rather I not go, but he definitely doesnt tell me I cant. Best of luck to you, LW. Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. But I am going to totally disagree with you that its not a relationship problem. It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. You can have a couple days where youre focused on other things! I say go for it! Co-worker had a wonderful time. Marriage CounselingDefinitely. And thats all the sin city branding is too an advertising campaign to better separate certain demographics of travellers from their money, just like Disneys happiest place on earth branding is an advertising campaign to better separate a different demographic of travellers from their money. The idea of where we are in danger is terribly skewed in the US. But a counselor can assess it and go from there. Good luck! My husband makes every work trip a miserable experience for me and is angry at me for days before and days after. This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. My husband is just glad he doesnt have to go with me, because more than a couple of days in Las Vegas is like being stuck inside a kaleidoscope. Because my husband trusts me. This is the exact opposite of what youre suggesting, Ramona. He loves listening to me talk about my trips and my hobbies and adventures, and I love hearing him talk about how he spends hours painting toy soldiers. Theyre both controlled, predictable corporate environments that can provide controlled, predictable hospitality services, often at a price affordable enough to attract business conferences. Just in case. It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. Its just Vegas (and Disney) are more designed to keep you inside their controlled, predictable corporate environment so as to better separate you from your money. Hes been working through them and he was much better during my last work trip. I know that many conferences are held there, and wouldnt bat an eye at my fiancee going there without me. Sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do. Oh, and I think I gambled about $20 on nickel slots. I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. How entitled can someone be to think that their ex has to justify wanting to break up and have a good cause? He asks that I check in with him once or twice a day for hi-and-I-love-you. I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. My husband usually goes on an annual drinking trip with his buddies (they all go to a particular beer festival in a nearby city). So when my sister and her then-boyfriend said they were taking a trip there, my first thought was that they shouldnt go because tourists are always killed horribly in Vegas (or are sometimes raped or kidnapped). This is a great comment. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. The big difference is that OPs husband cant keep an eye on her when shes in Vegas. This is a question for a marriage counselor and/or individual therapist. Fiance also didnt want me to go to an industry event because admission was closed to non-members; he couldnt just drop by to say hello, and how would he know if I was okay? I think Id feel safer there than in my own city, where things can get desolate sometimes. After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). 20 Times Nature Gave Us Something Unusual to Admire, If You Have a Sweet Tooth, These 13 Products Will Help Pave the Way to Your Heart, 10 Amazing Things for Your Home That Are Extremely Cheap Right Now, 10 Best-Selling Products Thatll Make Your Bathroom Worthy of 5 Stars, How Much or How Little the Cast of Jurassic Park Has Changed 30 Years After the Films Release, 10 Tiny Items From Amazon That Can Make a Huge Difference in Your Home, A Woman Dresses Like Celebrities to Prove Any Size Can Be Stylish, How Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen On-Screen Rivalry Lead to the Best Hollywood Bromance in Real Life, 11 Times Celebrities Undermined Traditional Upbringing Methods, 7 Amazon Deals That Can Make Your Skin Glow Without Hurting Your Wallet, Monster-in-Law / New Line Cinema and co-producers. Not necessarily. Anxiety is also a real possibility and I hate how offhandedly its been dismissed in most comments. Vegas strip is basically just that a massive neon strip mall with lots of people. I trusted him, he was fine. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. (And hes questioning the motives of the company in having the trip in the first place? This seems to be a common pattern, though of course not a certainty. Again, not a concern for either of us. But truly, its a secondary concern here. The memo was a few years old, and it had been issues shortly before an Uber retreat If Im not mistaken it was in Miami definitely in Florida. I went to Vegas for an academic conference once and it was soooo super tame. let has no part of a marriage unless it deeply affects the partner and then people need to work on it together. and my husbands main reaction has been I hope you have a great time, and Im glad you are not trying to get me to go too. OPs husbands friends would have a conniption if they heard about my situation! On top of everything Allison said, it might work to show him how normal business travel to Las Vegas is. Based on the way anxiety distorts reality and actual risk, I could easily not allow my children to participate in things or have small measures of independence. Close Menu. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). If all else fails OP can blame in on an alien abduction. Youve gone before and nothing happened, so why is he still freaking out about it? OPs partners behavior is affecting her directly. If he refuses to go, go alone. Some people get really over the top anxious about things like this such that it becomes its own problem, maybe even more of an independent factor than the sexism thing (which kind of compounds it because its a societal trope that reinforces some of what would otherwise seem more out there on the face of it). It made no sense. The only people who would have a problem with visiting Las Vegas would be someone who has never been there! *thumbs up, fistbump, etc*, This comment got away from me a bit, Im sorry for that. He cant expect his partner to sacrifice herself to the whims of his anxiety. Disordered anxiety changes shape to fit inside whatever container is available, which might be infidelity or kidnapping or alien abduction. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. I only think bad things with Vegas and wonder why its chosen for a business thing (LW never said conference, so I wonder if it was chosen for the fun too). Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. If youre seeing these things and thinking anything like I cant say that, he would freak outmarriage counseling, please. We look out for each other. There are also lots of cool little museums as well. Youve talked about what your husband thinks of the trip, and what you reckon the impact of going and not going would be on your career. I dont gamble and am not much of a drinker/partier and I thought Vegas was great! I would be surprised if it were anything more than a coincidence, but I think that reading that letter/advice/comments could be beneficial for this OP to see how it would likely be perceived if she did refuse to take the trip at her husbands behest. Nevada decriminalized prostitution at the state level and left it to the counties. The good part is that I was able to figure out why I had that reaction, which (mostly) made it go away. In fact, Ive been on more trips without my partner than I have with him! Either way, its important for both ofyou tocommunicate about such animportant issue sothat things dont escalate further than necessary. She thought surely I would be kidnapped in the dark parking lot. Roller coasters! Just recently I have found out I will be sent out again. It mostly makes me question his survey methods, which I assume involved leading questions like, would you let your wife go to a naked business orgy in Las Vegas?. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. When I lived in Tokyo, articles would occasionally pop up in the U.S. media describing a particular neighborhood as an adult playground where foreigners fell victim to crimes, and well-meaning relatives would forward them to me with a warning to stay away from here, LOL.. My partner finds it funny that I get excited to go to Vegas for work and roll my eyes when it is a friend/social trip because he knows me so well. Yeah Im trying to tell myself this kind of misconception is the kindest possible explanation. ), I also watched CSI for a lot of years, and on one of my trips to Vegas I stayed off-strip in a cheap hotel because I was trying to save money. He thinks it's going to be too difficult. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. how do you handle being pregnant at work? Assuming you havent given him real cause for those worries (like a history of cheating), this is insulting to you and awful for the health of your relationship. Untreated anxiety is a meat grinder to relationships. Well there it is. Indifference. Yes. In NYC? However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. It is not normal or rational. I would think about whether this fits in a pattern of other bad behavior. Therapy is really personal, and a bad fit or burnt-out therapist can be worse than no therapist at all. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. I do sympathize with what you are dealing with. Until I heard the week after that everyone was kept so busy that they really didnt have time or energy to do any of the fun stuff. People women, even! Shed never thought about it because shed only seen the Strip depictions. Does he worry about you when you go shopping alone, or when you work late at the office? Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. Theres no life insurance policy in the world that would substitute for my husbands continued presence in my life and on this planet. Note however, I dont think this excuses the employees OR means that its wrong to have a corporate event in Vegas. Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. Please be safe, and let us know what happens. I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! And there does seem to be a fair amount of misbehavior discussed, but I have never seen any of it. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. Itll be a cold day in Hell before my husband allows/gives me permission to do anything. Breadwinner isnt necessarily sole provider. My ex used to pick up stupid little fun jobs part-time while he was going to college, while I was working full time and also going to college. Do not sacrifice your career for this. Hes disabled, finds it extremely difficult to cook for himself, and suffers from anxiety, and he doesnt like me going on business trips. Turned out my wife was in the backyard mowing but had taken a break before I drove up and my son was upstairs playing quietly on the computer. He has terrible night vision and shouldnt drive after sundown, and he is absent-minded and tends to forget to eat when hes working. It may not necessarily be abusive, but it is controlling it doesnt get a pass just because other people would do it. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. I would idd consider flying. Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationmobile homes for rent in patterson, la. Yeah, I read it as they object and they wouldnt let them go.. It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. FWIW, my husband went on a business trip to Vegas last year when I was pregnant and feeling like crap. Him: Something something shes just got cold feet about the upcoming wedding. To me, wholesome is about the primary purpose of the activity. He is ambitious & caring.His insecurities have gotten the best of him in this situation. You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. And my husband has two business trips of at least four days each in the next two months and Im rather thrilled. I think that couples counseling is the best place to start, no matter what the underlying problem is, because its a relationship problem that hes laying on her. Your stops will be longer because you'll have to take the baby out of the carseat for a little bit. Im so sorry, Emma. One of mine once told me that his mom felt that I was being very unfair to him and was devastated that she wouldnt get to plan our wedding. The trip should take about 2 and a half hours, but it took about 3 and a half because we had to stop so I could feed my daughter and change her. Leave your phone on silent. Literally cannot learn your brain switches off the learning & memory centres of your brain while its priming your legs to flee the sabre-toothed dire wolves of your imagination. A therapist will be of substantial benefit to OP in uncovering these typically subconcious assumptions and patterns, and mindfully challenging them and acquiring a different and more equitable relationship with her husband. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. Then maybe, if you can swing it, a weekend trip there for the two of you would be a good idea? I suspect that insecurity over her being the primary breadwinner has a lot to do with it (deeply ingrained social conceptions are still a thing). After the last Vegas conference 4 years ago, where more people got fired for misconduct than should have, my company has put a stop to holding regional or national conferences there. I bought a single-serve bottle of wine in the hotel convenience store and enjoyed it in my room. It was, instead, his own insecurity and abusive tendencies. Telling your partner that you really need to focus on work for three days should not be a big deal (barring really big exacerbating circumstancesI need to focus on work, so Im skipping your mothers funeral, have fun! would be much more fraught, of course). Dont try totalk yourself into thinking that itdoesnt matter orthat they didnt mean anything byit. While she comes back with great stories of what she saw people doing, shes never felt in danger or anything like that.